An open letter to my Cats.

STOP PEEING ON EVERYTHING!


No! This may be the house you live in, but it is NOT YOUR TERRITORY! It is MY TERRITORY! I do not enjoy cleaning your crusty marking pee out of every nook and cranny because you have such a low self image of yourself, that you have to go running around, spraying everything with your little fire hose. I do not like that!

You. Teazer. The calico hiding under the chair.

STOP POOPING ON THE TABLE LEGS. It's DISGUSTING! There is a litter box litterally five feet away from you! What makes you so special that you can't be bothered with going where other cats go, but instead, get your own puppy training pad deal? You aren't the QUEEN of Entitlement! Cut it out and use the LITTER BOX.

You. Pootlin, be it Prissy or Salem. KNOCK IT OFF. GET DOWN. STOP THAT. THAT'S NOT A TOY. LEAVE IT ALONE. THAT'S NOT YOURS. STOP CLAWING THAT. GET INSIDE! GO OUTSIDE! MAKE UP YOUR MIND! GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE FRIDGE DOOR. YOU MISSED THE LITTER BOX. YOU STILL MISSED THE LITTER BOX. I LOCK YOU OUT OF MY ROOM FOR A REASON! GET OUT OF THE TRASH. STOP THAT. STOP IT. STOP. QUIT IT. WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE DOING IN THERE, CUT IT OUT!

To Booger. Just.... go back outside.

To Rueben. Spray one more time, and I'm going to kill you. No. I mean it. Don't give me that look. You've electrocuted yourself TWICE. Not ONCE, but TWICE spraying electrical outlets. Doesn't that tell us that we have a problem? (He's ok, folks, he just nearly burned the house down twice when his pee met electricity. He wasn't injured, I'm just being dramatic)

To the Princess. I love you, but you are a spoiled brat. That is entirely my fault. Go get some more Num-Nums from Ebby.

To Heathern. Ah, my dear boy, if they were only like you, you wouldn't be as special as you are. ROCK ON FRO-MAN! *Snugs*

Ebby. My dearest blue-eyed border collie. Stop giving the cats so many Num-Nums. You make them soggy. It's sweet that you mother the cats, but it's just.. gross. Love love to the Num-Num Queen.


(The pic of the cats in the above photo are the Pootlins. Salem is the dark one, Prissy is the one on the left side of Salem, where you can see the top of her head. She's on his left side. The Princess, Mercy, is the tabby and white one.)