Why I suck as a person.
I just made a whole list of things about myself. I felt a little bit better writing them, but I'm still angry and frustrated. At one point, I just wanted to scream and punch the walls. I guess that's just a childish way of dealing with the emotions running through me. I feel so trapped. I know, that God in His Glory, will take care of things.
NO ONE IN THE HISTORY OF MAN NEEDS TO TELL ME HOW GREAT GOD IS. I KNOW THAT GOD IS IN CONTROL.
I am -Human-. With -Human- feelings, a -Human- mind. My sense of desperation is almost overwhelming right now, and I feel -trapped-.
I have asked so much of my friends and family to lift me up Spiritually and emotionally for so long, that it is above and beyond the point of selfishness on my part to keep asking them. It wouldn't be right of me to do so any longer.
Una, I'm sorry for getting mad at you when I was looking for some encouragement. I admit, you -are- hard nosed in the pratical area. Not everyone sees things as you do, but I won't ask for it again. My apologies.
I'm going to keep writing on the book with you, but my hope will stay forever where it belongs. Dead. I will absolutely hold -no- expectations whatsoever. But remember, God works through others just as well as He works alone. I'm sorry that I forget about your troubles too. You just don't whine loudly like I do. You never whine. That doesn't mean that you aren't cared deeply for. Forgive me if it is at arms length for a while. The hard outer coating of my soul is worn away, leaving it raw.
I'm getting upset again, so I'll end this now.
Peace.
NO ONE IN THE HISTORY OF MAN NEEDS TO TELL ME HOW GREAT GOD IS. I KNOW THAT GOD IS IN CONTROL.
I am -Human-. With -Human- feelings, a -Human- mind. My sense of desperation is almost overwhelming right now, and I feel -trapped-.
I have asked so much of my friends and family to lift me up Spiritually and emotionally for so long, that it is above and beyond the point of selfishness on my part to keep asking them. It wouldn't be right of me to do so any longer.
Una, I'm sorry for getting mad at you when I was looking for some encouragement. I admit, you -are- hard nosed in the pratical area. Not everyone sees things as you do, but I won't ask for it again. My apologies.
I'm going to keep writing on the book with you, but my hope will stay forever where it belongs. Dead. I will absolutely hold -no- expectations whatsoever. But remember, God works through others just as well as He works alone. I'm sorry that I forget about your troubles too. You just don't whine loudly like I do. You never whine. That doesn't mean that you aren't cared deeply for. Forgive me if it is at arms length for a while. The hard outer coating of my soul is worn away, leaving it raw.
I'm getting upset again, so I'll end this now.
Peace.
posted by Duske at 1:20 AM
2 Comments:
Ah baby, no need to sugar coat it. I am a cold hearted *asshole* sometimes. I am the kind of person who expects the worst and is glad when the best actually happens. A practical person, not a pessimist, but definitely not an optimist either. And I treat everyone else the way I treat myself not even stopping to think how cruel that can be.
I am sorry when I hurt you. I swear I don't mean too. Next to Shane you are the person in this world that I love the most.
I have lost so many friends by being callous and hurting them and never even known it until much later.
Forgive me, please. I am the one who sucks as a person, not you. When it came to compassion and love, I got my fair share, but like my mammaw used to say it's a funny kind of love.
Never doubt how much I care about you, how much I treasure your presence in my life and how much I truly truly appreciate your patience with me. I will always love you. You are the sister I always wanted, the best friend I have ever had.
*Sniffs* You are so sweet. I love you, too!
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