Note to Self:

I must get started on Chapter One.

I must get started on Chapter One.

I must get started on... what's on tv.. Chapter One.

I must... I'm hungry.. get started on Chapter One.

I must get started.. oh look, a butterfly. *Gives chase*



No worries, Una, I think I have a start to Chapter One. LoL

Thunder, Barking dogs, and Flowers!

I was sitting here today, shortly before noon and heard this huge rumbling of thunder. It was sooo cool! LoL And, as I was going on about my business in Conquer, there came this -huge- crack of thunder behind my head. It was loud and shrill and I said, "Welp, time to turn off the computer!" I didn't want to lose another one to lightning!


Having problems with rusty still. I fought with him last night from 10:30 or so, until roughly 1:30 or earlier this morning. He's mad that he's tied up. So he barks. And barks. And barks. And barks. He doesn't just give off a series of barks, go silent, then bark again. He, in a high pitched, *UGLY* voice, that goes,

"Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!
Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!
Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!
Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!
Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!
Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!
Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!
Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!
Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!
Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!"


So, I pretty much had to get into a disciplinary mode with him.

Then, to be cute, today when I went to feed the animals, I saw him on the opposite side of the fence. We were not amused. I had to drag him back under the fence, then placed his doghouse infront of the hole he made. I was afraid that he was going to trip the horses on his cable when they came from the big feild to the small one, which would have given him a quick trip to the pound. He dug to get out of the pen, and he tried to dig away from the chain. When he's not digging, he's purposely wrapping himself around things in vain hopes of being freed. Heh, that ain't happening. He's about to stupid himself out of a good home. I told Momma tonight that if he tripped the horses and got them hurt, he was out of here and I wasn't going to take no for an answer.


I found some great plants that I want to plant when we get the new house, from Michigan bulb company.

Here's a list of what I'd like to plant. I can't wait to be able to order these guys and give them a nice home where they can grow up and just be beautiful. If you click the links, you can easily see that one of my favorite colors is blue. ^ ^

BlueBerry Bush

Mixed Balloon Flower (Blue, White and Pink)

Blue Sea Holly

Super Aster

Hardy English Primrose

Bell Flowers

Campanula, Blue Chips

Jacobs Ladder

Delphinium Bush

Blue Flax

Double Angels Trumpet

Blue Butterly Scabiosa

Mixed Dutch Irises

Phlox, Tall collection (Is the collection of the Red, Blue and Ice)

Blue Boy Tall Hybrid Phlox (Looks just like the Red and Ice, but deep blue)

Blue Ice Tall Hybrid Phlox (Looks just like Red but white with lavendar centers)

Tenor Tall Hybrid Phlox (Red)

Blue Fringed Daisy

Laced Romeo Carnation

Black Magic HollyHock

Black Satin Viola

Snow in Summer

Wisteria Vine, Blue (These run *Rampant* in Alabama and they are GORGEOUS! They look like tons of grapes!)

Shell Plant

Climbing Queen Elisabeth Rose Bush (I already have one that I bought from this place, and I love it! I didn't know it was a climbing bush!)

Weeping Peach Tree

Peaceful day Today

The friendship bracelet my cousin made me over the summer broke Friday night. I see the irony in that, to tell the truth.


I'm going back to Alabama Friday evening. It'll be good to get back, but now, I don't find it an escape like I used to, when I felt the pressure of three bad people on me. Especially now that two of them face sentencing tomorrow, and may possibly never be in the business that they are in and -possible-, yet won't hold my breath on it yet, jail time. The youngest woman deleted her message board, that's a good sign.

We had white castle tonight. Talk about expensive and bland. Ugh. But I won't complain, I thank God we can live in a country where food is available.

I tied rusty up last week. He's not amused. I find great pleasure in his unamusement. He can't get it through his thick skull to -stay- in the bloody pen, where he's taught his bad tricks to the other dogs, then he deserves to stay tied. Thank God the other dogs can't get out, they just tear up stuff. ><

The fish Babies are still doing great. Growing nicely and thriving, even getting friendly! I stick my fingers in the water in their net, and once they get over the surprise, they swim through my fingers and nibble them. It tickles! It's so cute! *laughs* They'll make beautiful fish! I think when I get the money, I'm going to set up a tank in Ala, probably a smaller one, and put it in the window by the tv. I may put it elsewhere, as that's Ebby's window. We'll just have to wait and see on what's going on. I may just set up a ten gallon for Daddy. That would be cool. XD

Thank you again, Lord!

What a beautiful day. Just a beautiful day. Diane and I went to the Josh Lyons clinic today in Shelbyville. We had no problem at all getting there, didn't get lost, hardly used -any- gas, God blessed us with -awesome- weather, too. They had been calling for a 50 or so percent chance of rain all day, but it was sunny and warm, though the wind was blowing the storm in, it was a little chilly, but I am NOT complaining, because it could have been stormy, and scary and all that. I had enough money to pay for gas, buy a cute little western saddle that's big enough to hang from my rearview mirror in my truck, and a little plushie horse. We ate at sonic and they messed up my order, so my Mom even got a hamburger, which was perfect, because when Diane got me home, Momma was feeding the outside animals and I told her that I had one for her and she was glad, because she was hungry.

My ADD wasn't too bad today, but bad enough for me to apologize to Diane on the way up because I'd just jump up and change the subject while she was talking. I know I had to have exhausted her, but we had great quality time today.

I found a horse trailer that I would love to buy. A few truckloads of scrap and I shouldn't have a problem buying it outright. It's sweeeeeet.

I'm so nervous that I'm going to see the "SOLD" sign there by it. *Sighs* BUT, I still have the website, and I know what it is, and I can always contact them when I get the money. It's just perfect for what I need. Tall enough for my horses, or if I get something bigger, it could accomidate him, bumper pull, nice twin axel where the horses weight is on the axel. Diane was really impressed with it. I liked it, too.

God blessed me again today. I was given a sense of peace, the angoraphobia was gone, the anxiety was gone, I was able to relax and enjoy myself. It was wonderful. I had a great time today and I Praise God for it.

This year so far.

So far, this year has been extremely pleasant. I made some decisions here recently that I've paused long enough to wonder, "Was that the right thing to do?" Pertaining to trimming up the loose ends in my life, and yes. Yes, they were the right things.

I'm happy now. I don't feel like I'm put under some rock and left there unless there's something needed of me. I feel.. a sense of weight being lifted off of my shoulders. I don't feel like an outcast anymore. Enough of that, that's the past.

This is going to be a wonderful year. I can feel it in my soul. This is the best I've felt in over two years, Praise God. The bad people who have hurt me, two of them anyway, are facing justice, and that has really started the healing process in my soul. It's simply amazing.

I'm also feeling this huge sense of excitement in my heart. Joyous excitement that makes me want to squeal in glee! I think God's telling me that something great is going to happen. That's gonna be wonderful! Thank you, God!

We had beef stew again tonight. It was so good. Mmm. We took Grandma over hers and she had made cornbread muffins. They were soooo goooood. XD She hasn't been feeling well, and Momma's cooked for three weeks and we've carried it over to her. All in all, that's good for everyone. I think that's going to be a continuing trend from now on.

I've gotten me a few new screen names for AIM. I need to get back onto MSN so I can talk to Betty more. She's a great person, Betty. She's my old boss from when I worked at the Pantry, and I'm thankful I can keep in touch with her. I have Diane B.'s snail mail, so I'm gonna keep in touch with her.

D'oh, Maintenance on Conquer just happened and I had my tao in a great place in the market. *Whines* I may delete that char and make another one. Sad thing is, I spent 300,000k to make her a new house. (Plus days of mining so I can get iron ores, trade them for timber, trade that for vouchers, trade that for permits and ugh!) I don't know, I'll think about it.

OH! I think I may know where my camera is! I don't know if I posted it in here yet or not, but when we had the Thanksgiving dinner in Alabama, I moved a lot of things in the kitchen to Daddy's bedroom and I think (With Una's help, thank you!) it may be in the dish drainer that I had in Daddy's room or somewhere's about there! I can't wait to find out!

One last thing. Everything I post here is important to me. I don't want to bother mention things that will waist my time with trivialities. Why bother people with nonsense if it isn't important to you? That makes no sense. So everything that I post in my journal -will- have meaning.

A Wake Up Call to My Cats. Yeah, right. >.>

AKA

A Rebuttal to the Open Letter to my Cats.


How do you love me? Let me count the ways.


1. Nothing quite says I love you like a nice juicy hairball on the floor. Right in front of a doorway or fridge. Oh, the colder it is, the more love there is for me. Thank you.

2. Nothing quite says I love you like a previously empty bowl with an inch of pee in it. That you took the time to break the no counter rule and actually -pee- in the -bowl-, not getting a drop on the counter, is just amazing. I feel the love.

3. Nothing quite says I love you like a dull thud coming from another room. However my prayers were answered when I discovered that noone was laying injured underneath whatever in the world it was that you managed to knock over.

4. Nothing quite says I love you like a pack of you bolting towards and passing me down the hall at full-tilt boogy-woogy as I am trying to navigate the narrow passage, sometimes carrying items. It is -so- good of you to show a compassionate attitude towards me.

5. Nothing quite says I love you like being greeted by no less than eight cats sitting on various surfaces in the kitchen. No no, don't worry about my concern to keep the area where I prepare food clean, so long as you are elevated, then we're all happy, right?

6. Nothing quite says I love you like breaking into my room in the middle of the night to mooch Num-Num's from Ebby. The extra show of affection by rubbing the soggy area against my MOUTH is priceless.

7. Nothing quite says I love you like letting your humans freeze to death. Yes, those magical things in the floor spit forth heat, but, alas, that heat is for the whole house. Of course, in your minds, it's magical danger gas! Thank you for saving us from it.


Guys. We feed you. Vet you. Love you. Pet you. Why oh WHY can't you behave?! Just a little! Just.. humour us! Just act like you're paying attention! Don't you want us happy!? *Weeps*

Man, What a great day!

God has -really- just blessed me today. I have completely, totally and just, -really- had a -great- day! God is AWESOME!


First off, we had to take Grandma to the doctors office. No problem. We get Grandma there and then head to Krogers so I can change out loose change in the coinstar machine and get back money so Momma can have money to go on this week. I got that done in a snap, then we go to the vets office where we get Ebby's rabies/parvo/distemper shots and her nails trimmed, along with a heartworm test and heartworm preventative. We had a ball with the staff and it wasn't a very long ordeal.

Then, we went to the UPS store and I had Una's package sent off and while I was there, there was a gentleman who was short about Seven bucks on his own packages in the line over. I offered to pay the difference, but he declined. However, when I went to pay, I needed 22 cents if I didn't want to break a twenty, so before I could go to the car, this SWEET NICE LADY (Thank you, Ma'am! *HUGS Again*) gave me a quarter, so I hugged her. This -gorgeous- guy standing behind us, tall, dark, longish dark hair, said, "Hey, I've got 22 cents, too!" Una told me that he was totally hitting on me. *Giggle*

We get done with that, and me, wishing I could have hugged him anyway, but lost courage, we head on back to the doctors office. I had a touch of.. digestive problems, to say the least, and was even able to use the doctors office restroom in peace! *Silently*

We didn't have to wait too long for Grandma, we head out, get Captain D's after Momma takes her to Peebles and Walgreens to get items she needs. I take her into wal-mart and let her bank there while I get her dog, Sweetie, some food (We thought I had gotten the wrong stuff, but turns out, I didn't, so she has plenty now!) and I got Ebby two little plushie squeak toys for under a dollar a piece! Sweet! And we head out and go home. While Momma is putting pain patches on Grandma's back, I let her other dog, Gypsy, run loose with Ebby for a little bit, and even have her tied back up by the time Momma is ready to go! Again, Thank you, Lord!

We get home and Barry has done a -wonderful- job on the horses feet! Diane was kind and sweet enough to come over this morning and skip her swimming arobic thingy to help me out! I left her a juice box and Barry a Tall can of Mountain Dew. I like to leave my farrier a drink and snack when possible. I would have left Diane a pop, but she has food allergies worse than me! So, thank God, that while I was talking to her, asking her what she liked, I spoted the Welches grape juice boxes! Yay!

Oh. The coup de resistance. Those women who had hurt me so badly two years ago.

INDICTED BY THE GRAND JURY! THANK YOU LORD!

They are to face sentencing the 30th of this month. There is talk that they will never be able to do what they are doing now, or even own animals. SWEET. They don't deserve to own animals. And there is talk of the youngest woman even spending time in jail because of repeat offenses!

God provided me a clean pair of jeans and shirt, too. I had done laundry and when I went hunting for a certain outfit, there it was, in the dryer! Yay!

Since my memory isn't what it used to be, I may edit when new memories of today hits me! ^ ^ Thank you again, God! <333333333333*hughughug*

Happy Birthday, Grandpa!

You always did what was right, never letting greed in your path
You let no one push you around, your fear they not hath
With God in your heart, and wisdom in your mind
You lived your life to it's fullest, you were brave, you were kind.

Your wisdom was keen, I've seen no one smarter
You were gentle and kind, and as a worker, you worked harder
You were a farmer, this land you worked so selflessly
As a Grandpa, well, I must say, you did splendidly.

You listened to God, His voice you heard gently
You obeyed His will, for that, your reward will be plenty
You did a good job, Grandpa, for that I admire
With lifes little obstacles, with it's sticky quagmires.

I miss you so much, my heart should hurt more
But I know when I die, I'll see you at Heavens door
I had taken for granted, that your life wouldn't be forever
I had taken for granted, that my Grandpa would endevor.

I'll never forget you, I love you so much
Tears come to my eyes, my grief is as such
I wish I had longer on this earth to learn your lessons
But wishing is foolish, I'll just hang on to my questions.

Happy Birthday, Dear Grandpa. You were a kind man
I know God was pleased when you entered His land
Our lives will be empty, forever in change
But in our hearts you will live, always the same.

I miss you, Charles T. Young.

1-18-15
4-07-95

Snow, Naps, Weird Dreams and Meatloaf

Thank God, it snowed last night! It was sooooo pretty, and sooooo quiet and soooo peaceful. I don't know what it is about snowfall, but it seems to just knock away all of the negative things out, and bring peace and gentleness with it. The wind was brisk and cold and sweet and fresh. I enjoyed it as I stood in the bathroom with my nose pressed against the screen. I want to write a book about the feelings that falling snow seems to bring to me. There's just too many words to coherently grasp.


I slept late this morning, until 11:00 or so. Momma is off today, Tomorrow and Friday. So I have peace of mind that the bad people aren't going to come and get me. She hollared about 8:00 this morning, asking if I had seen the snow, I told her that I watched it fall last night. It stuck around for the better part of the day, especially in the shadows.


I took a bath today and immediatly fell asleep in the tub. I think I slept for about an hour and a half, and I think I woke myself up snoring. I had some weird dreams while I was sleeping, too, and I can only remember flashes of them, but I think I dreamt while in the tub, that my family and Grandma decided to give away Grandma's dog Gypsy. They gave her to these really nice people who seemed to want her, but I found out immediatly that they were a fraudulant rescue and they had a website up for animals for adoption. I remember in the dream that I had ran out along Grandma's drive, feeling deep hurt and sadness that they had taken Gypsy, and I wanted to lift my hand up to call them back, to bring her back, but I just stood there feeling hurt and feeling my eyes fill up with tears. When I walked back down the drive, there was a long narrow pen with that had two rattle snakes in it and I had to walk on top of it and make sure that they wouldn't bite me. It was weird. I think I dreamt that before I napped in the tub, though.


We're having meatloaf for supper tonight. I love meatloaf. Momma's getting her hair done right now, though, but I need to spiff up the house just a tiny bit. We've done a good job at keeping it tidy, though, so that's great. I'm taking Ebby to the vet tomorrow to get her vetted, and then I'm going to shampoo carpets in the livingroom and guest bedroom. Oi, this house needs to either be remodled or torn down. I think with the cat pee smell, it should just be torn down.


Please, God, Please let us get the Montgomery job, thank You and Amen.

Why I suck as a person.

I just made a whole list of things about myself. I felt a little bit better writing them, but I'm still angry and frustrated. At one point, I just wanted to scream and punch the walls. I guess that's just a childish way of dealing with the emotions running through me. I feel so trapped. I know, that God in His Glory, will take care of things.

NO ONE IN THE HISTORY OF MAN NEEDS TO TELL ME HOW GREAT GOD IS. I KNOW THAT GOD IS IN CONTROL.


I am -Human-. With -Human- feelings, a -Human- mind. My sense of desperation is almost overwhelming right now, and I feel -trapped-.

I have asked so much of my friends and family to lift me up Spiritually and emotionally for so long, that it is above and beyond the point of selfishness on my part to keep asking them. It wouldn't be right of me to do so any longer.

Una, I'm sorry for getting mad at you when I was looking for some encouragement. I admit, you -are- hard nosed in the pratical area. Not everyone sees things as you do, but I won't ask for it again. My apologies.

I'm going to keep writing on the book with you, but my hope will stay forever where it belongs. Dead. I will absolutely hold -no- expectations whatsoever. But remember, God works through others just as well as He works alone. I'm sorry that I forget about your troubles too. You just don't whine loudly like I do. You never whine. That doesn't mean that you aren't cared deeply for. Forgive me if it is at arms length for a while. The hard outer coating of my soul is worn away, leaving it raw.

I'm getting upset again, so I'll end this now.

Peace.

*Rubs Temples*

To clear up a few facts while I have the time to peice the words together where I don't either sound totally insane/selfish/spoiled/wtfever.

Do NOT tell me what you think I want to hear. If I want smoke blown up my ass, I'd hook one end of a hose to a car exhaust, if you get the drift.

I PUT GOD ABOVE ALL ELSE. God works -THROUGH- people as well as He works in wonderous mystery. I personally think it's wrong to sit back and say, "It's all for the best." When your friend is dying on the inside.

I care about you deeply, but with certain stand offish ways that you have, I MIRROR those. I don't mean to act like I don't care, but I MIRROR. I cannot help that. It's something that I developed in self defense after years of abuse from my peers.

I know I'm a boor. There is -so- little going on in my life, that the least amusing thing that I do is honostly something big. I apologize for that.

And I also shut down when I'm hurt. And a lot that gets shut down doesn't start back up. It's gone forever. Now, my depression is back up to full swing. I just sometimes need to hear, "You'll do good." or, "I have faith in you." Or, "I believe in you." That's what God wants for us. To be positive and supportive.

Back to my Shadows.

My fish... need birth control

Ok. Let's break down the groups of babies.

The first group that was born, the ones I discovered thriving at the bottom of the tank, are my second graders. They're fiesty, they're developing, gaining color and nipping. They're even floating to the middle of the tank at food time.


Then, there's the pre-schoolers, who are about to go into Kindergarden. These are my little ones that are in the breeder net. They are doing well, feisty and should come out of the net when I come back from Ala in early March.

Then, as I discovered last night, there are newborns. At last count, there are three newborns. I discovered one last night, swimming between the breeder net and the tank. I was like, "Wha?" Then realized it was a tiny baby. I had to chase that sucker down, too. And he wanted to stay at the top, dangerous dangerous. So, he's in the breeder net. You can -definatly- tell a size difference.

The other two newborns are at the bottom next to my clam that's supposed to open and close, but when retrieving my dead (beautiful too. :() male, I knocked it loose. This is where the nipping comes from from my second graders.


So, all in all, if I've done my count right.. the first Momma, a beautiful dark blue female, had around 8.

The mother of the pre-schoolers, was a lighter almost metallic blue, and she has about 9 in the net. There -may- be more, they like to hide in the little plants that came with the net.

The female that delivered the newborns is a deep red/yellow and I had mistaken her for male. I -thought- she was squeazing her tail fin night before last, this was when I decided she was most definatly female. I was right and she -had- been in labor. The count on hers as of right now is three.

So, that leaves me with 20 babies. (I put in the colors there for the females to give you an idea of what colors came close to them. :))


They're so sweet! They even come up out of nowhere when they hear the Tap! Tap! on the tank that I only use to say "COME AND GET IT!"


YAY!

I've discovered something

*Points up* The date is wrong. I posted this originally at around noon, January 16th on a Monday. I've checked all my settings and they're right. That's just.. very weird...

I don't know how every person's brain works. When you're given information, do you hear what someone is saying and store it for later, to bring a playback of the conversation word for word? I used to think that was what was wrong with me. I didn't always do a playback of -sounds- in my head. Yes, I hear my thoughts, I think words in my mind, (Wow, God is just amazing!) I can hear my own voice in my head.

But. When you talk to me, tell me things, I realized why I don't always answer right away. It came to me when I was on the phone with Diane the other day, and I apologized to her and said, "I'm not bored and I don't mean to be rude, but everything you're telling me, I'm replaying in my head as if it were a movie." She was releaved, because she thought she had been boring me, because I was taking so long to answer her.

I just guess that the realization of something I was already somewhat aware of and comfortable with, was why I seem so slow.

I'm not stupid in any means. And by slow, I don't mean slow witted. I've just learned, that when you feed me a large amount of information, instead of thinking about what I've been told, I replay it back in my imaginations theatre. Box seats and free snacks and pop, too. ;) Now I know that when I have to work something out, I have to actually see it. I'm not good with words in my head or spoken from my mouth, but if I use images, then it helps.

So, to everyone I've offended by being slow to answer, I apologize, but I just figured out -why-. If that makes any sense.

LoL

Angst isn't an answer (Poem) From the heart

I don't feel sorry for you. You made (or railroaded) the decisions on your own.

I won't do a thing to help you. You never appriciated me in the first place.

I dust your footprints from my back. You'll never walk over me again.

I won't be there for you. You were never there for me.

I refuse to pay you any attention. You draw enough attention to yourself as it is.

I don't feel sorry for you.

Doing some serious changes in my life

I think that I'm going to start trimming out the unnecessary parts of my life, and I think I'm going to start that with people. I'm a needy person. I need to be loved. I need to be wanted. I need to be *needed*. I need to feel like I'm worth more than a conversation once a week if you're bored. So. I think it's just time to break away and go the path I want to walk. I've got too much weight on my soul as it is, and waiting hopefully for over an hour or two, that someone will acknowledge me when I've spoken to them, is getting me down.

It shouldn't get me down. Letting it get me down is sweating the small stuff. I'm not going to sweat the small stuff anymore.

From now on, the people in my life will hold me to the same importance, and SHOW me, as I do them. I will balk at a one sided relationship and will wad it up and toss it in the bin if any one ever tries to do that to me.

I've always had to clinge on to people, just so I could get that shred of human contact, both irl and online. No friggin more.

I have found my dependance and I am grabbing it with both hands.

Una and I have started a new novel, which I think, can honostly rock. I've asked Jesus to be my muse, and last night (Early this morning) the words just flew from my fingertips. I was really impressed and hopeful. We can write and we can do a wonderful job.

Una, the first part of the working prologue is posted in our groups. Work your magic, Sister.


Peace.

I'm so lonely.

:(

I just feel so alone. :'(

I miss my camera

I haven't seen my camera since my birthday. I've tore apart the trailer in Alabama, the house in Tennessee, Big fluffy, Little Fluffy and Lil Fluff. (Yes, all the vehicles drivable have Fluffy in the name) and it is NOT to be found.

I miss my camera.

It was a good camera.

And I think a pair of little hands walked out with it when I was gone from Ala to Tn.

WE.

ARE.

NOT.

AMUSED.

*Death Glare*

An open letter to my Cats.

STOP PEEING ON EVERYTHING!


No! This may be the house you live in, but it is NOT YOUR TERRITORY! It is MY TERRITORY! I do not enjoy cleaning your crusty marking pee out of every nook and cranny because you have such a low self image of yourself, that you have to go running around, spraying everything with your little fire hose. I do not like that!

You. Teazer. The calico hiding under the chair.

STOP POOPING ON THE TABLE LEGS. It's DISGUSTING! There is a litter box litterally five feet away from you! What makes you so special that you can't be bothered with going where other cats go, but instead, get your own puppy training pad deal? You aren't the QUEEN of Entitlement! Cut it out and use the LITTER BOX.

You. Pootlin, be it Prissy or Salem. KNOCK IT OFF. GET DOWN. STOP THAT. THAT'S NOT A TOY. LEAVE IT ALONE. THAT'S NOT YOURS. STOP CLAWING THAT. GET INSIDE! GO OUTSIDE! MAKE UP YOUR MIND! GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE FRIDGE DOOR. YOU MISSED THE LITTER BOX. YOU STILL MISSED THE LITTER BOX. I LOCK YOU OUT OF MY ROOM FOR A REASON! GET OUT OF THE TRASH. STOP THAT. STOP IT. STOP. QUIT IT. WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE DOING IN THERE, CUT IT OUT!

To Booger. Just.... go back outside.

To Rueben. Spray one more time, and I'm going to kill you. No. I mean it. Don't give me that look. You've electrocuted yourself TWICE. Not ONCE, but TWICE spraying electrical outlets. Doesn't that tell us that we have a problem? (He's ok, folks, he just nearly burned the house down twice when his pee met electricity. He wasn't injured, I'm just being dramatic)

To the Princess. I love you, but you are a spoiled brat. That is entirely my fault. Go get some more Num-Nums from Ebby.

To Heathern. Ah, my dear boy, if they were only like you, you wouldn't be as special as you are. ROCK ON FRO-MAN! *Snugs*

Ebby. My dearest blue-eyed border collie. Stop giving the cats so many Num-Nums. You make them soggy. It's sweet that you mother the cats, but it's just.. gross. Love love to the Num-Num Queen.


(The pic of the cats in the above photo are the Pootlins. Salem is the dark one, Prissy is the one on the left side of Salem, where you can see the top of her head. She's on his left side. The Princess, Mercy, is the tabby and white one.)

God has Blessed me today. <3

First off, my female guppy had her babies last night! I got up to check on her and saw that she was eating at something on the bottom, and I noticed that her belly was also small. I then noticed tiny little ones floating around near the plastic plants in the breeder net and I quickly got the mother fish out. As I did that, the net collapsed, so, the sweet little ones had to put up with being moved out of the tank, then back in via the net. I thought I had had it fixed the first time, but I didn't. It collapsed again, so I again, pulled them out, along with getting a pitcher full of the tank water, and had them in my sink once again, trying to fix the net, but to no avail. So, I gently scooped them up with a fine meshed net and put them in the pitcher.

I accidently killed one with the breeder net collapsing mishap. One later died in the pitcher, and I believe the mother was eating one when I found her. That leaves me with ten of the tiniest, sweetest little fishies.

God blessed me today. I thought I was hearing the garbage truck. The neighbors that live behind me have garbage service, and I figured it was just time for pickup. But then, I kept hearing it, and when my dogs started going nuts, I stepped outside and finally noticed how quiet it was. I looked toward the road and there's a -huge- line of cars just sitting there. Then the sound of blissful, beautiful quiet finally hit me. It was Heaven. Also, my horses were standing patiently in the small feild, around where Lady eats her meals when I feed. Which is beside the barn. That's as far away from being seen by traffic as you can get along the fence line. When a rollback wrecker revved up and then passed by the house, I realise that it had been a wreck, and once traffic started moving, the girls headed slowly and calmly back to the big feild.

God knew that I would be -extremely- distressed if the horses were in the big feild with traffic just standing there. I thanked Him immensely for such a compassionate blessing.

The second thing that He blessed me with (And it's just not the *second* thing, God blesses us with many unseen blessings throughout the day. He is *Real* and He *Will* provide/take care of you) was the realization of how to fix the breeder net. I had been tying the net around wrong, and I got back to the sink and cleaned it out and put it back together and tied it nice and tight and this time it stayed. So I put it back in the tank and gently poured the babies into it. They didn't even get any undue stress over it. I'm so happy. *Glee*

Thank you, God! You helped me today and I really needed it! *HUGS*

Busy Busy Busy

I've got a busy year coming up this year. Starting in March, I've got the Volunteer Horse Fair, in Murfreesboro. It's on March the 17th, 18th and 19th. Diane and I are planning to attend it on Saturday, the 18th and just make it an all day thing. I got my saddle there last year for a -great- price.

Then, we've been invited on trail rides by Horse Haven of Tennessee. Those are some really nice, down to earth people. There's a few rides that probably Diane's friend Traci would have to drive the trailer and their two horses to, as I've been told that some of the Horse Haven people have a few extra horses for people to come and ride. That will be most fun.

There's a fun show going on in Murfreesboro sometime this spring, that Diane and I will try to attend. She'll be the only one riding, but that's just fine for me. I don't like to ride in front of strangers and I only enjoy trail riding, not anything that has to do with show, that that will work out just great. I don't mind being a groom and tack jockey. LoL

Of course, once the weather turns warmer, saddle clubs will be starting up, and we're going to once again try to find one that we like and enjoy.

I'd like to go to the all arab show in Shelbyville again. Diane took me one year for my birthday and I really liked it. It's not too bad of a drive through nice country. Of course, her husband drove us to that one, but he was pretty cool with it. He used to drive for the prison system in Tn, so he pretty much knows the roads in this state and in Alabama as well. He even knew where Goodsprings is, where I live in Alabama. I was impressed.

Of course, I always find it more enjoyable to spend time with my friend. I'm not married. And if they bring their husband, they tend to spend the time -with- their husband instead of having one on one time with their friends. It's just.. uncomfortable and akward to me.

I've got a show in December at the same stadium that the Volunteer Horse Fair is gonna be at, it too is all arabian, but they welcome other breeds and even mules. I'm gonna make plans with Diane to attend that, as well.


I have a feeling 2006 is going to be a -very- horsey year for me. LoL! But hopefully, a very POSITIVE Horsey year for me.

Dial-up woes..

I have argued with Conquer all day. It seems that as soon as I load a page while playing, my ping goes through the roof and the game disconnects. Argh. ><

I've got to get my horses vetted up as soon as I get a few truck loads of scrap out. And I've got to take them to the nice man who does denistry on the weekends as well. I am hoping that Traci will take me, and I don't mind a bit paying for her time as well as gas. I hear momma on the phone right now, but when she gets off, I'm gonna call my farrier and have him make an appointment for next week so he can trim the girls feet.

I can't wait until we get the Montgomery job. I'll get the girls Hot Shod.

I need to save up, and start putting money in my checking account. Get a head start on a budget for fencing for when Grandma does give us the land that she inherited to us. I cannot wait to move out there on it. Peace. Quiet. Solitude. NO TRAFFIC. *Happy sigh* Then, I can get me a trail horse that I can ride, and Diane and I can ride on the land there and enjoy. *Nods*


I'm full right now. Momma brought in Kentucky Fried Chicken. It was soooooooo good. I took Grandma a plate. Bless her heart, she called at 4:00 and her back is still causing her a great deal of problems, and she was hungry. That tore my heart, so I told her not to worry, that we'd get supper for her, so that's what happened. Momma sent some honey baked turkey for her as well, so she can have a quick meal during the day where she can just make a sandwhich. That really touched me deeply that she would call us asking for help. I really felt good that we were the ones she thought to call. I can't express the warm feeling I have over that.

I'm Duo. XD

Duo Maxwell -- People often get the wrong idea
about you, but that's ok, kicking ass is easier
when your opponent underestimates you. You've
had a difficult past, but you would go to hell
and back so that others don't have to suffer
the same way. You are smart, tough, and
resourceful. You are also a decent judge of
character when it comes to placing your
loyalties.


Gundam Wing Personality Quiz
brought to you by Quizilla

More Baby Fishies!

I got up and fed the fish and a huge handful of babies came up from the gravel. So, I may have more than the original Seven that I counted. They are so cute and active. They eat great, and are even pooping good. (Something you need to watch for so the little ones and even the bigs ones don't bind up. You don't want your fishies to have tummy aches)

I Love their little personalities. They're intelligent and will dart away when an adult comes close.

I have one adult male, he's yellow/red, and he likes to vacuum around the bottom. When I catch him doing that, I tap the glass and wag my finger at him. He gives me this 'look' and then wanders away.

The second momma fish is still in the breeding net. She's not eating all that good, but she's still alert and active. I can tell she's never really been a 'pet', she's too skittish and fearful. So, I talk to her when I lift the lid, and tell her that she's a good girl and how pretty she is. Of course your fish can hear you in the tank. Especially when they're right at the top. And when I stick my fingers in, the others will nibble my finger tips. It tickles. They're pretty docile and very sweet. I love my fishies! Thank God I got such sweet little guys!

I'm loving this weather!

Wow, before you know it, the plants are gonna come up in full bloom, the weather has just been so nice and and mild. I think I'm going to put out some tomato plants in Ala, provided those two stupid outside dogs don't dig them up.

I also want to plant more roses, too. I just want a big, huge rose garden, of every color I can get my hands on, and just let them do their business as they know how. I may have to look up thornless varieties, too.

I like snapdragons, too. I like hiacynths, and generally blue flowers. Blue is one of my favorite colors. I think, when Grandma lets us offically have our land, when we get a modular home put out there on it, I'm gonna make a huge koi pond and start on a model train garden. I like trains, trains are good. Also, I want geese and ducks, too, but not too many of them, as they can get messy, and I think I'll build a chicken coop so I can have some fresh eggs. I just like chickens, they make pretty good pets.

Grandma's down in her back, her arther is acting up. Bless her heart, we brought her some white beans, some onion, pasta salad and dressed eggs to eat for supper tonight, and I fed Gypsy while we were there. I hope it's not something serious, because Momma said that the area where Grandma described the pain at, was around her kidney area. I really hope it's not something bad.

I dreamt of Larry Thacker last night, too. And his son, and some of my family on my dad's side. They never really knew Larry, but they were trying to mooch on the angst of his death, so they could get attention, too. I dreamt that he had just passed away, and all of the grief and hurt hit me there, and when I woke up, I realized that he had passed in September. Maybe the grief has finally caught up with me. I still love him very much. I will never forget Larry. Never.

I believe that all my guppie babies are still up and dandy. The second Momma is still in the breeding net and I will post more on them when she finally has her babies. I know she's not happy in there, and I can't wait until she has them so she came come back out into the mainstream. Also, I have another female who's pregnant. She's got yellow markings outlined in red, and they are loud enough that I was confusing her as a male. She's smaller than the other two, so she must be a couple of months old, but she's really marked up nice.

Leveling up

Wow, `Kouga hit level 88 last night in Conquer. I saw the little question mark on the bottom left hand of the screen flash, so I opened it to see what was new. Dude, I can spend a million silvers and now open a guild. My own guild. I may just do that, yet, I may not. I'm saving up for some great gear, cause right now, he doesn't exactly have the best, save for socketed earrings and his armour.

If you want to know what conquer is, scroll down, I've put a link in to it. Great game, just turn the talk feature off. LoL

I'm upgrading his rapid fire right now, which is leveling pretty fast, so that shouldn't take much longer. The training ground can be your friend.

Baby Guppies!!

EEEEE! I checked into my tank tonight to do a headcount of my guppies, and I spotted babies! Sweet little babies, they're so tiny! They're hiding at the bottom of the tank and when it's feeding time, they go nuts! They're good little swimmers and good eaters, too!


The second mother I put into the nursery net, because she'll be having her babies any day now! And she's bigger than the female that delivered! (Who, by the way, still looks like she's got babies in her)

At first I only saw three, then I saw five, then I saw Seven!


Yay!

Excuses, Excuses.

I HATE EXCUSES!

Excuses are just a lazy persons way of saying, "I DON'T LIKE YOU."

Feelin' blue today.

Just feeling down in the dumps today. Momma took a long nap, and while she was asleep, Diane called and asked if I wanted to watch her ride, then when she was done, she'd come over here and help me with Deigh. Well, part of my anxiety is, I don't leave the house unless Momma knows about it. I waited and paced and waited for her to wake up before 2:00, but she didn't. I cried over the phone with Diane who got upset at Momma, but I had to explain to her that it was just my depression.

Momma got up and I told her that I had cried, and had waited for her to get up. She wasn't upset. I also cried over Shini. Then Momma told me that she called Daddy last night, and he had been drinking, and that fucking bitch of a leech leanne (Forgive me, God. I'm only human) was there cleaning the house. I guess she wants me to put her leeching ass through a wall. I will only say one thing about that... person. I wouldn't spit on her if she were thirsty. That bloody using wench.

I'm also still deeply hurt over Ohayocon, and another sucky thing about that is, it's not snowing like it was the past two years. I cried over that, too.

I don't mean to be selfish, but for once.. or maybe more than once, I'd just like things to go as I expect them to, instead of deviating from the course. I'm so tired of disappointments. So very... very tired of disappointments.

Me

This is me. I know I don't look big in this pic, fact is, I am. Very much so. I cropped out a lot of my ugly (fat) and pulled my hair over my face to cover a lot of it, also, I jutted my chin so I could hide the nasty fat roll under there. I hate being heavy, I really do. >.>

Una

This is Una when we went to visit her in 2004. We helped put up her Christmas tree. They, her and her husband, took us to a resturant called Fats. Oh. My. Stars. The food there was to -die- for. It was so good and they are so generous. Thank you again guys for a wonderful time!


(Don't you just love her hair? XD)

This sucks! And Stuff that doesn't suck!!

Ohayo-con 2006 is this weekend. And I can't go. ><

Yeah, it's bloody stressful to drive the 8+ hours up there and back, as I had a longer trip than Auto had, because I live two hours away from her, and it's scary to drive in that bad weather. The first year was HORRIBLE with snow and ice. We passed two bad wrecks and had one happen in front of us, it was nuts. It's hard to drive when everyone, (INCLUDING YOUR NAVIGATOR... *Eyes Auto* Who was supposed to go to bed early, but didn't listen and stayed up until 2:00 in the morning and got an hours sleep before we left) falls asleep on you. (I think getting back to the right parkway took us an extra two hours)

But.. I didn't even get an invite this year. That really hurt, Auto. Everything I've ever done for you, and you don't even think to just ask me. You just grabbed your buddies up and took them. "Ok friends at best." Is what you described them as. Yeah. Right. I can't help but to feel that all I was was just a ride up. Just.. someone to use for what you wanted. /rant.

Anyway. Una and I are going to start up our own Con thing. Just for the two of us. I think we're gonna do the Persacon in Huntsville Alabama. It looks pretty promising, and I'm doing more research on it. I've asked for Scott McNeil and Jillian Micheals to be guests, and I hope that the people on the Persacon staff will make an effort to get them. This is gonna be fun!

The good thing about Persacon is that it's so close. For both Una and I. We could enjoy it in the early summer, NO snow to worry about driving through. No rushes. No long drives. I'm gonna see about getting her to my house in TN, then we can drive to Huntsville, stay the con, then come back to TN. Or, I can get her to come to Birmingham, we'll pick her up, she can stay with me a night in Ala, then we can truck on to the con (Hopefully Jeff will drive us up and take us home) and put her on the bus a day later. Yeah, I'll talk to her about that tonight or I will point you at the journal, Una! *Is still hyped up and all over the place right now*

I love the people on the Horse Haven Forum boards! They rock! They are so fun to talk to and there's even a lady there that can talk fish with me! They're Christian and I'm happy that they let me join! <333

Please help me, God

I'm having a bad day, mentally. The psychological damage done to me by three women two years ago is still haunting me. Two of the women are facing a grand jury monday for what they did to others, though, I guess what they did to me will have to be faced too. I thought that the youngest woman had possibly been in jail, because I had seen no evidence of her online for almost two weeks. I thought she had broken the conditions of what the court had told her not to do the last time she was before a judge. She must have just been on vacation. The oldest woman is a snake in the grass. I don't trust her no further than I can throw her. (Or all three of them, for that matter) but the oldest one haunts me, because she's deviously sneaky.

The other woman, I'm praying for. Though I've asked God to please make her face justice. She's a thorn in my heart like the other two. Running her mouth and making people think she's some wonderful person, but I know the truth. Most importantly, God knows the truth, and you can not run from God, no matter how many people you get to believe a lie.

Every car that slows down sends my anxiety level through the roof. When the dogs bark, I grow afraid. I have done no wrong, I have committed no crime, and though, because someone can show such blatent disregard for the truth, has tried to turn me into some monster. I am a victim who feels the guilt that three women should be feeling. Yet, because they all have silver tongues, I feel like the one who has to shoulder all of the burden.

Please God, Dear Heavenly Father that lives in Heaven and in my Heart, Father of Jesus, help me through this day. Help me grow strength in a wounded heart and soul. Help those who have helped me, and bring to light the truth of those who have bore false witness against me. I pray, Dear Father, that you will let your guiding light shine down and please restore my heart, for it is broken. Please restore my soul, for it is wounded. Please restore my mind, for it is shattered. Amen.

It's getting chilly outside.

It was 75 degrees yesterday. A record breaking high for January the 2nd. Today, it's like, 47 degrees. HUGE difference.


Didn't do too much today, got the house cleaned, put the trash up in bags and made a nice neat pile so we can take it off tomorrow. My character, 'Kouga, in the game Conquer, is right now in the training ground and is about to hit level 86. He's 99.300 give or take on his level. For those of you who know what Conquer is, you'll know what I'm talking about. To those of you who may read this and don't know what Conquer is, it's a Mass Multi-Player Online Role Playing Game. www.Conqueronline.com is the website. It takes FOREVER to download, but it is -so- worth it.

Jan the first, Diane came over and helped me work on Deigh. She wants me to work on four basic things right now for the next time she comes over. (*Loves horsey homework*) First, I have to get Deigh to respect my space. To do that, if she steps too close, to cue her to back up, I put my hand on her face on a pressure point and apply pressure. That's her cue to ask her to back up. When she backs up two steps, I praise her as she's done what I've asked. Give and release. When you give and release you are making a promise to the horse. You promise to release pressure when they give into it. It's no fail.

Second, I have to teach her to back up. She doesn't back well from the ground. I will stand in front of her and wag my finger side to side. That is her cue. Of course, she won't undersant that, so I'll wag the leadrope side to side along with my finger. If she doesn't back up, I wag it harder until she gets the idea that hey, this human wants me to back up. When she finally learns to back up, she'll do it on my finger wagging cue.

The other two lessons are just the same lesson. Horses pretty much have two brains. One for the right side and one for the left. That is because they are animals of prey. This lesson pertains to me being in the saddle. I will put pressure on the left rein, asking for her head. When she starts bringing her head around, giving to the pressure, I will reward her by releasing the pressure. The object of this is to eventually get Deigh to touch her nose to my knee and making her neck more relaxed, to give to the bit. I will do this with either side.


So, that's pretty much it for today.

Goodbye, Little Shini

I'm gonna miss you, little one. Your sweet meow's, the way you'd climb on top of the fridge, how you used to sleep all curled up on the pillow beside of my head. Remember that time you jumped from the wardrobe and landed on my head? I fussed, but now.. I think on it in sweet memory. I will -miss- how you used to curl into my arm when I held you, you insisted to being held like an infant, and when you did the "Cute Thing" by tucking your head around in a cute kitty way against my shoulder. I'll miss your soft fur, your short little legs and your great big heart. I'm sorry that you died, and I love you. Never forget, that Momma loves you, Shini. All I have of you now are memories and pictures, and for a while, they will never be enough. Wait for me over the Rainbow Bridge and we'll walk into Heaven together to greet our Lord and Master.

?/?/2001-01/01/2006

Thanks, Una!

Thanks for showing me this blog, Una! I should hopefully post if my ADD doesn't get in the way! *Hugs*